Rebirth: Ang nalalapit na paghihiganti

Dec. 21, 2007
Hopelessness
Regret

Three Cheers for Sweet revenge...

I'm now swimming in this pit of despair and I just want somebody to hold me, to give me strength so I could stand again...yes i am stupid, I am volatile, I can be easily manipulated, but that was before.

Today my butterfly acquired new wings. But they are not colorful like before; they are plain black. A deadly intricate design that can attract many hearts but love none. One that can give temporary happiness and permanent torment.

i am reborn, I died once more, and again i am reborn. Along with my tears, my heart breaks with acid...

The acid my heart produces turned to dust and is blown away. Now there's no more trace of my heart...

Yes, my demon is complete...this is my chance to break free...
And when I am reborn, I will not commit these same mistakes again
An i'll make those who hurt me pay
Pay for the tears i shed
Pay for EVERY tear I shed
Every single second that I cried
And I curse him to never fin a girl who will love me like i did ever again
So he will return to me after all...
But he will find out that I am not altogether whole...I hate you! HATE!!

Pagdadalawang isip: Di naalintana na mabuti parin pala siyang bata

Dec 21, 2007
Anger
Regret

I can't sleep

The same question troubles my mind...why me?
Of all the people in this world, why me?
I am unworthy of this pain, so why me?
Why is god testing me like this? Am i really that bad? Is he mad at me because i don't believe in him? It's his fault why I don't believe. i don't believe because everytime I pray, things get worse.

And the whisperings around me are so much louder. They seem to mourn with me, they seem to mourn for my dying heart. They pity me, because I believed in him, the final stroll...the final pain that pushed my heart into death.

He killed my whole being. He took every happiness I ever had. So it is also him who can bring it back

But I am not hoping that he would bring it back again...
For he always made promises that he always broke...
The promises were always broken...
They always shatter my heart...
I felt like I already cried out a sea because I fell like I could cry no more.

i wish that he is happy now. i want to see him one last time but I'm afraid that he does not want to see me, not now, not ever.

Umpisa ng pagkawasak: ang dahilan ng pagkamatay

Dec 20, 2007
Depressed
Super depression

You have broken my heart so hard that there's nothing left
You have broken my heart....but why?

I tried to stop you from leaving me for I love you. I feel like the world crashed around me. I feel like I have no one to turn to but you. You are my only happiness in this world and yet you still left me. Why is it always like this? Why am I always the one crying in the end? Why is it always my heart that is shattered into pieces?

Why?

Why me?

Of all the people in the world why does love hate me? I feel used, abandoned, and my hate is heightened. Only you can bring me back but you chose to leave me...and so I cannot return to living.

I only exist, not live, because you, my only hope, turned away from me. I tried to tell you a hundred times before that I could not forsake you, but you didn't listen. I always believed you when you said everything's alright, but look at me now; a weeping fool.

And I realized that I cannot love again..

Life is cruel, it made me a toy. So now, I'm going to turn my fate backwards.

I'm going to be the one who pays back this time
I'm going to be the one to inflict pain; both emotionally and physically...
Just wait, I'm going to have my sweet revenge
Just like what you did to me
You'll regret what you did
Oh, you'll be sorry that you hurt me
You made the demon inside of me complete

Unang hakbang: Simula ng pagluluksa, pagkamatay ni Iris

Dec. 19, 2007
Agony
Distrust...Pain

My Butterfly lost its wings

How can you be sure that life is peaceful when it isn't?
How can you be sure that love is real when its not?

You say everything has its own origin, its own story, its own destiny. But how can you say that if you yourself cannot prove it for your own? You see I'm a girl; obnoxious and naive...but then again, your eyes are deceiving you. Please give me a break, I'm sick and tired of this whole world giving me something and waiting for me to take it without letting me argue back. How am I supposed to live in this shitty world without punching a few end-of-my-life buttons along the way? Hindi ba part ng pagiging malakas yung mga pagkakamali? Why is it you don't give a damn about anything surreal even if it's biting down your nose? So what if I'm different? Is it bad to be yourself? To be you? To be unique? Is it bad to have your own way of doing things? Is it right to follow, zombie-like, unto what is pretensed as "right"? When will you learn? i already am ten feet away from you but you still can't grasp the truth. Wake up and smell the lithium! You're in a fucking wasteland and it's eroding into ashes.

Forget all your treasures
Wake up into the new world
Stop looking for what is already gone
Or else you'll die an idiot...

And now i plunge into the earth, spiralling as i went, my wings injured because of the silver bullets raining in the air. it went through my frail wings, sending those brittle membranes swirling through the air, shattering as it went. Along with my hopes, my memories, my dreams, my life...

And ni i only exist. Not live, just exist. My body's material, solid, but my mind and soul are like plasma; floating in the space between the walls of my body and oblivion. My heart is nowhere to be seen and my eyes are glassy with weary. I feel nothing but hate.

The only person who could save me turned away from me. He deserted me and let me fall on my own, not even bothering to repair my broken wings.

I am not broken as well, for he took my arms and legs with him, making sure that I won't stand once again.

And now I ask, "Why is the world so unfair?"

Please take me from my agony for I lost all hope
Help me repair my arms and legs
Help me find my wings
Help me live again...